As it turns out, both of my kids appear to be destined for the varsity team. In something. I have spent the summer watching their athletic abilities sprout, and I am fascinated. They didn't get them from me. That's the thing with adoption. When you adopt your kids, you don't literally, physically pass on traits to them (duh). When I was a kid, my dad liked to pinpoint where everything about me came from. Any undesirable trait he declared accusingly "you get that from your mother." Conversely, he took personal genetic credit for anything about me that he was proud of. I count my kids fortunate that I can't play that game.
So why am I so fascinated and proud as I watch them this summer, marveling and commenting at every sprint, every game of catch or leap into the pool? The Butterly, my oldest, has such arm strength that she can swing from a bar, hooking her legs at the top, hanging upside down, re-positioning her arms and swinging back and forth for a half hour without a break. She effortlessly supports her own weight, swings and bends and flips, balancing with every move. She is built like a gymnast- short, sturdy, with strong arms and a fast run. I'm pretty sure she's the Ethiopian Mary Lou Retton. She is an artist though, lost in her own thoughts, and will swing from those bars or make up dances, doing handstands and cartwheels to the tune of whatever it is she hears in her head.
The Chief Conservation and Housework Advisor, who is four and proud of it, runs like a runner, elbows in, chest forward, knees up. The glee on her face when she learned to jump into a pool and bob to the surface on her own was beyond happiness, beyond fun, beyond pride. She played catch with some friends of ours, firmly catching and throwing a soccer ball with focus not normal for her age. She can dribble a basketball. She has the obsessiveness and determination of athletes, repeating the same motion again and again until she has mastered it, beaming when she is satisfied with the results.
I wasn't like that. Perhaps my body's instruction manual was lost in the mail. I was tall and thin. I remember hearing the word "gangly" in reference to my physique. I was afraid to hang upside down from the monkey bars because I might fall. I wasn't a fast runner and took a long time to learn to ride a bike. My basketball playing could best be described as "flailing about." This is how I know I had nothing to do with their abilities, and it's why I have no place taking such personal pride in what they can do. And yet I do. As if I had been their personal coach. As if I had personally injected each of them with the special abilities they possess. How cool is it that a child of mine has calluses on her hands from the monkey bars, can run for blocks, or according to her own reports, kick the soccer ball farther than anyone else?
One of the cool things about being a mom is that I get to take pride in my kids' accomplishments and talents, whether I really deserve to or not. When your kids are biologically yours, you never really know what traits came from you or what is just "theirs." I know I didn't literally, physically give my kids any of their abilities. But I still get to watch them come out, and I still get to watch that look on their faces when they're doing something they're really good at. And that's pretty damn cool.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Preserving the Language
I've decided on names for my kids, you know, so I can refer to them all I want, but preserve their privacy. My oldest, my five year old daughter, is the Butterfly, as she is known to flit from activity to activity, friend to friend. I considered Senior VP, Barbie and Mermaid division, since all things girly; princesses, fairies, mermaids, rainbows, and hearts are her passion in life.
My youngest, age 3, is our Chief Conservation and Housework Advisor, the CCHA . She does not allow anyone to leave a room with the lights on, and would rather help me clean a toilet than watch cartoons with her sister.
I'm not the kind of parent who longs for my children to return to babyhood, reluctant to allow them to grow up. I am enjoying them more and more as they get older, and I welcome every little task that they learn to do for themselves. So I've been surprised lately to be sad as I notice their speech becoming more clear, more sophisticated, old mispronunciations and grammatical mistakes disappearing as the weeks go on. Why would I be sad about this? Why would I mourn this obvious sign that they're growing up and learning to express themselves?
I certainly didn't mourn the loss of diapers, bottles, or bouncy seats. I was thrilled this year to give up the 80-point restraint carseats for simple boosters. What's going away that has me so down?
It's a language, or at least a dialect- a unique version of English with alternative vocabulary and pronunciation, spoken only in the small, distinct region of my own home. And it's dying out. The tiny tribe that calls Miss Marie Miss Arie, and special things " 'pecial keengs" is rapidly being assimilated into the larger, more influential culture around it. So, while I have no interest in blogs or magazine articles where parents share all the darndest things their kids say, I feel the need to document this unique dialect before it disappears altogether.
My youngest, age 3, is our Chief Conservation and Housework Advisor, the CCHA . She does not allow anyone to leave a room with the lights on, and would rather help me clean a toilet than watch cartoons with her sister.
I'm not the kind of parent who longs for my children to return to babyhood, reluctant to allow them to grow up. I am enjoying them more and more as they get older, and I welcome every little task that they learn to do for themselves. So I've been surprised lately to be sad as I notice their speech becoming more clear, more sophisticated, old mispronunciations and grammatical mistakes disappearing as the weeks go on. Why would I be sad about this? Why would I mourn this obvious sign that they're growing up and learning to express themselves?
I certainly didn't mourn the loss of diapers, bottles, or bouncy seats. I was thrilled this year to give up the 80-point restraint carseats for simple boosters. What's going away that has me so down?
It's a language, or at least a dialect- a unique version of English with alternative vocabulary and pronunciation, spoken only in the small, distinct region of my own home. And it's dying out. The tiny tribe that calls Miss Marie Miss Arie, and special things " 'pecial keengs" is rapidly being assimilated into the larger, more influential culture around it. So, while I have no interest in blogs or magazine articles where parents share all the darndest things their kids say, I feel the need to document this unique dialect before it disappears altogether.
Long ago we lost 'pecial keengs and Miss Arie. We lost Aunt Lori being Lorlie, and yogurt as logurt. Strawberries are no longer dawbellies, and bala-loons are just balloons now. The optus has become octopus and the ipsy pie-doo is a full-blown itsy bitsy spider. Dappa was once grandpa, and the name Omi, which then became Yomi, then Nomi, is now Naomi.
Some remnants, thankfully, remain. My youngest will hold my chin and say "I want to tell you a question." Ethiopia is pronouced Epiopia, or Efiopia. And neither child, with their vocabularies, words in other languages, and full sentences, can pronounce the word "use." The Butterfly says "nooze" as in "Can I nooze that?" or "I was noozing that!" The CCHA says "ooze." The word "regular" came out "reg-le-ar" just today. "Th" sounds still elude them both, so thankfully they say "fank you" and "firty" (for thirty) or "togever."
But these little touches are disappearing fast. Soon they'll be talking like reglear people, blending into the general population, hardly distinct in their speech. Fankfully, they continue to ooze some 'pecial words, for at least a little while.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Twenty Five Things
Following in the footsteps of my friend Erica, Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad, and probably a ton of other people who were in on this long before I clued in, here are 25 random things about me.
1. I have a deep and abiding love for good stand-up comedy and good comic writing. I love when smart and funny come together. My faves? Dave Barry, the late George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Steve Martin, Maria Bamford, Lewis Black
2. Even better is when comedy and music are combined. If you can be funny and set it to music, I'm in love. Steve Martin, Monty Python, Tom Lehrer, the Smothers Brothers, any musical Simpsons episode, a Mighty Wind, Little Shop of Horrors... you get the picture.
3. My brother and I are both left-handed. I get very excited when I see other people, especially famous people, who are left-handed. Check out Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Martin Sheen. I'm pretty sure it's a sign of creative genius.
4. I really, honestly, sincerely like my in-laws and enjoy spending time with them. My MIL rocks.
5. There are some things that are wildly popular, even addictive for others that I just can't get into. Among them... any form of Coke, Pepsi or Mountain Dew, and any reality TV show, especially those based on talent contests, feats of strength and crazy stunts, strangers living together and weeding each other out.
6. I am in the process of converting to Judaism. It has been a long journey, but joining the Tribe feels like home, and I do love my matza and kugel.
7. I wear a Chai around my neck, the Hebrew word for Life. The necklace was a childhood gift from my Bubbi (grandmother). I put it on, before even considering converting, when I first learned my brother would be deployed to Iraq, about 2 1/2 years ago. I'll consider taking it off when I know he's home safe, and for good.
8. Although my house is kind of a mess right now, and is always a work in progress, I find messy, cluttered surroundings very stressful. As a kid, before I knew how to alphabetize, I used to pull the books off my shelf and arrange them in order of size. This seemed to relax me.
9. I have spent time in the following of our Great States: Montana, California, Texas, North Dakota, but only becasue my car broke down, Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, Maine, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, Wisconsin. I'm sure I'm forgetting some.
10. I dated the MOMD for 6 weeks before he proposed and I accepted. In September 2009, we'll celebrate 10 years of marriage, 10 years plus 10 months of knowing each other. Sometimes when you know, you know.
11. I hated being single. For someone who had always prided myself on being really independent and capable, I had a really hard time being alone in my 20's.
12. Being a mom to my two daughters is amazing, and holding them and kissing their little heads makes me want to melt. And yet right now, I am in my room hiding from them because I can't think straight with them hanging all over wanting to be around me all the time.
13. I have been writing, in one form or another, since I was six years old. I was well into my 20's before I grasped that I was good at it.
14. I have written a book called You Are Ethiopian Now, a memoir of my experiences with infertility and adopting two little girls from Ethiopia. I'm working on getting it published.
15. A friend pointed out to me recently that I seem like I should have been an English major in college. I didn't major in English or anything else that I did especially well because in my warped little mind, that was like cheating. If it's not hard for you, then your succes doesn't count.
16. I have been in these fine countries on our little planet: Canada, France, Germany, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Austria, Ireland, India, Malaysia, and Ethiopia. I'm sure I'm not forgetting any. How could you forget an entire country?
17. I'm a bit of a grammar and punctuation snob.
18. I don't think I could limit myself to one favorite food. I love all baked goods- cookies, cakes, muffins, good bread, but also strong flavored and spicy foods like Indian, Ethiopian, Thai, anything with peanuts or pineapple, cilantro, or lime in it. I love salmon, high quality chocolate, pasta, bread pudding, and most desserts.
19. I am not a fan of fat-free, sugar-free anything (unless, like an orange, it's supposed to be like that), never got on the low carb bandwagon, and I prefer butter over margarine.
20. Due to the above, as well as family history, despite my pretty normal height and weight, I am likely a heart attack waiting to happen.
21. I used to be a runner, but I can't call myself one anymore.
22. I love naps.
23. About the biology thing... My dad was sick when I was growing up, and I had a lot of questions about that. He always explained why he had to take this med or that med, and why he couldn't eat certain foods, and how your kidneys are supposed to work. I think that was the birth of my fascination with the human body and its workings, and I did love studying all about cells, the chemistry of how food is broken down, how our muscles are attached and how chemicals fire around in our brains. I can be a bit of a science and nutrition geek. I try to keep this to myself, you know, so people will still want to be my friend.
24. I used to be a bit of a granola-head tree-hugger, complete with long hair and plaid shirts from Eddie Bauer, but I have sort of given that up for a cushy life in the suburbs.
25. Although I grew up in Duluth, MN, one of the most hideously cold and always-uphill locations on the planet, and chose to stay in MN for college and well, the rest of my life, I hate winter and hate being cold. But I also hate moving. Does that count as #26?
Now it's your turn. Do it in your own blog, your Facebook page, comments below or an email to me, but write your 25 things!
1. I have a deep and abiding love for good stand-up comedy and good comic writing. I love when smart and funny come together. My faves? Dave Barry, the late George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Steve Martin, Maria Bamford, Lewis Black
2. Even better is when comedy and music are combined. If you can be funny and set it to music, I'm in love. Steve Martin, Monty Python, Tom Lehrer, the Smothers Brothers, any musical Simpsons episode, a Mighty Wind, Little Shop of Horrors... you get the picture.
3. My brother and I are both left-handed. I get very excited when I see other people, especially famous people, who are left-handed. Check out Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Martin Sheen. I'm pretty sure it's a sign of creative genius.
4. I really, honestly, sincerely like my in-laws and enjoy spending time with them. My MIL rocks.
5. There are some things that are wildly popular, even addictive for others that I just can't get into. Among them... any form of Coke, Pepsi or Mountain Dew, and any reality TV show, especially those based on talent contests, feats of strength and crazy stunts, strangers living together and weeding each other out.
6. I am in the process of converting to Judaism. It has been a long journey, but joining the Tribe feels like home, and I do love my matza and kugel.
7. I wear a Chai around my neck, the Hebrew word for Life. The necklace was a childhood gift from my Bubbi (grandmother). I put it on, before even considering converting, when I first learned my brother would be deployed to Iraq, about 2 1/2 years ago. I'll consider taking it off when I know he's home safe, and for good.
8. Although my house is kind of a mess right now, and is always a work in progress, I find messy, cluttered surroundings very stressful. As a kid, before I knew how to alphabetize, I used to pull the books off my shelf and arrange them in order of size. This seemed to relax me.
9. I have spent time in the following of our Great States: Montana, California, Texas, North Dakota, but only becasue my car broke down, Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, Maine, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, Wisconsin. I'm sure I'm forgetting some.
10. I dated the MOMD for 6 weeks before he proposed and I accepted. In September 2009, we'll celebrate 10 years of marriage, 10 years plus 10 months of knowing each other. Sometimes when you know, you know.
11. I hated being single. For someone who had always prided myself on being really independent and capable, I had a really hard time being alone in my 20's.
12. Being a mom to my two daughters is amazing, and holding them and kissing their little heads makes me want to melt. And yet right now, I am in my room hiding from them because I can't think straight with them hanging all over wanting to be around me all the time.
13. I have been writing, in one form or another, since I was six years old. I was well into my 20's before I grasped that I was good at it.
14. I have written a book called You Are Ethiopian Now, a memoir of my experiences with infertility and adopting two little girls from Ethiopia. I'm working on getting it published.
15. A friend pointed out to me recently that I seem like I should have been an English major in college. I didn't major in English or anything else that I did especially well because in my warped little mind, that was like cheating. If it's not hard for you, then your succes doesn't count.
16. I have been in these fine countries on our little planet: Canada, France, Germany, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Austria, Ireland, India, Malaysia, and Ethiopia. I'm sure I'm not forgetting any. How could you forget an entire country?
17. I'm a bit of a grammar and punctuation snob.
18. I don't think I could limit myself to one favorite food. I love all baked goods- cookies, cakes, muffins, good bread, but also strong flavored and spicy foods like Indian, Ethiopian, Thai, anything with peanuts or pineapple, cilantro, or lime in it. I love salmon, high quality chocolate, pasta, bread pudding, and most desserts.
19. I am not a fan of fat-free, sugar-free anything (unless, like an orange, it's supposed to be like that), never got on the low carb bandwagon, and I prefer butter over margarine.
20. Due to the above, as well as family history, despite my pretty normal height and weight, I am likely a heart attack waiting to happen.
21. I used to be a runner, but I can't call myself one anymore.
22. I love naps.
23. About the biology thing... My dad was sick when I was growing up, and I had a lot of questions about that. He always explained why he had to take this med or that med, and why he couldn't eat certain foods, and how your kidneys are supposed to work. I think that was the birth of my fascination with the human body and its workings, and I did love studying all about cells, the chemistry of how food is broken down, how our muscles are attached and how chemicals fire around in our brains. I can be a bit of a science and nutrition geek. I try to keep this to myself, you know, so people will still want to be my friend.
24. I used to be a bit of a granola-head tree-hugger, complete with long hair and plaid shirts from Eddie Bauer, but I have sort of given that up for a cushy life in the suburbs.
25. Although I grew up in Duluth, MN, one of the most hideously cold and always-uphill locations on the planet, and chose to stay in MN for college and well, the rest of my life, I hate winter and hate being cold. But I also hate moving. Does that count as #26?
Now it's your turn. Do it in your own blog, your Facebook page, comments below or an email to me, but write your 25 things!
Meet My Family
I have become a big fan of a guy named Danny Evans, who writes Dad Gone Mad, a really funny blog (warning to friends who prefer their blogs squeaky clean- this one isn't). He is incredibly honest in his writing, and I believe, to protect the innocent, has given nicknames to his immediate family members. Danny, I hope you'll forgive me for blatantly stealing this technique, as I will, from here on out, refer to my husband as The Man of My Dreams, or MOMD. I have two daughters with distinct, energetic personalities, and to protect them as well, they will be assigned nicknames. I just haven't thought of the perfect names yet. How to capture beautiful, exhausting, engaging, energetic, expasperating, smart, dictatorial, irrational, into a quick little name? Not sure, and still working on it.
I also have a brother, 18 months younger than me, a Sergeant in the Army, who left for a year in Iraq just last week. He will be referred to as Sergeant Baby Brother. I have a mother, and well, let's just call her Mom, shall we? Mom lives in New Hampshire and is married to my step-dad. I can never keep track of what continent they're currently visiting, or which step-sibling is visiting them. They are quite a jet-setting pair of 60-somethings.
Right now the daughter I'm considering calling The Tiniest Dictator is sitting next to me, ready for a little heart to heart conversation. "Mommy why do you put your makeup in here? Mommy what's in here? (opening wallet). Why are your coins in here? Mommy, I have an owie on my foot (pointing to invisible tiny spot on tiniest toe...)
The other one, age 5, likes to compose songs and sing out loud. I leave you with today's lyrics:
I love her so much
She's bigger than a squirrel
Don't be a rattlesnake!
Don't be a rattlesnake!
Stay tuned.
I also have a brother, 18 months younger than me, a Sergeant in the Army, who left for a year in Iraq just last week. He will be referred to as Sergeant Baby Brother. I have a mother, and well, let's just call her Mom, shall we? Mom lives in New Hampshire and is married to my step-dad. I can never keep track of what continent they're currently visiting, or which step-sibling is visiting them. They are quite a jet-setting pair of 60-somethings.
Right now the daughter I'm considering calling The Tiniest Dictator is sitting next to me, ready for a little heart to heart conversation. "Mommy why do you put your makeup in here? Mommy what's in here? (opening wallet). Why are your coins in here? Mommy, I have an owie on my foot (pointing to invisible tiny spot on tiniest toe...)
The other one, age 5, likes to compose songs and sing out loud. I leave you with today's lyrics:
I love her so much
She's bigger than a squirrel
Don't be a rattlesnake!
Don't be a rattlesnake!
Stay tuned.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
What I'm Reading
I'm back in the blogging habit, writing about writing, Judaism, Ethiopia, parenthood, and the cool and interesting things I think are worth sharing. I know some awfully talented people, some in real life, and some through their writing or blogs. Welcome to my neighborhood...
Lynn Laumann is the most talented photographer I know. She specializes in portraits, and works out of her studio in Waconia, MN. Check out her site, her blog, and better yet, make an appointment and a trip to this little town west of Minneapolis to get some family photos done right.
Stacy Bellward has written a beautiful book called Tsion's Life. Many of us grew up on images of an Ethiopia dominated by starvation and disease. As parents who adopted children from Ethiopia back in 2004 when the program was in its infancy, Stacy and I, and many like us, have opened our eyes to the landscape, the spicy, satisfying food, and a culture centered on family and hospitality. Stacy took it a step further and launched Amharic Kids, a site featuring her own books and other resources for adoptive families with Ethiopian kids.
Me? Well, I have written a book titled You Are Ethiopian Now. The book stores have how-to adopt books, and stories of Chinese adoption, Russian adoption, and of adults searching for birth families, but nothing of my story- adopting from Ethiopia at a time when that option was brand new. I'm working on looking for a publisher. In the meantime, I plan to write here in the evenings and on the weekends. I welcome your comments.
Lynn Laumann is the most talented photographer I know. She specializes in portraits, and works out of her studio in Waconia, MN. Check out her site, her blog, and better yet, make an appointment and a trip to this little town west of Minneapolis to get some family photos done right.
Stacy Bellward has written a beautiful book called Tsion's Life. Many of us grew up on images of an Ethiopia dominated by starvation and disease. As parents who adopted children from Ethiopia back in 2004 when the program was in its infancy, Stacy and I, and many like us, have opened our eyes to the landscape, the spicy, satisfying food, and a culture centered on family and hospitality. Stacy took it a step further and launched Amharic Kids, a site featuring her own books and other resources for adoptive families with Ethiopian kids.
Me? Well, I have written a book titled You Are Ethiopian Now. The book stores have how-to adopt books, and stories of Chinese adoption, Russian adoption, and of adults searching for birth families, but nothing of my story- adopting from Ethiopia at a time when that option was brand new. I'm working on looking for a publisher. In the meantime, I plan to write here in the evenings and on the weekends. I welcome your comments.
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