Preserving the Language

I've decided on names for my kids, you know, so I can refer to them all I want, but preserve their privacy. My oldest, my five year old daughter, is the Butterfly, as she is known to flit from activity to activity, friend to friend. I considered Senior VP, Barbie and Mermaid division, since all things girly; princesses, fairies, mermaids, rainbows, and hearts are her passion in life.

My youngest, age 3, is our Chief Conservation and Housework Advisor, the CCHA . She does not allow anyone to leave a room with the lights on, and would rather help me clean a toilet than watch cartoons with her sister.



I'm not the kind of parent who longs for my children to return to babyhood, reluctant to allow them to grow up. I am enjoying them more and more as they get older, and I welcome every little task that they learn to do for themselves. So I've been surprised lately to be sad as I notice their speech becoming more clear, more sophisticated, old mispronunciations and grammatical mistakes disappearing as the weeks go on. Why would I be sad about this? Why would I mourn this obvious sign that they're growing up and learning to express themselves?

I certainly didn't mourn the loss of diapers, bottles, or bouncy seats. I was thrilled this year to give up the 80-point restraint carseats for simple boosters. What's going away that has me so down?

It's a language, or at least a dialect- a unique version of English with alternative vocabulary and pronunciation, spoken only in the small, distinct region of my own home. And it's dying out. The tiny tribe that calls Miss Marie Miss Arie, and special things " 'pecial keengs" is rapidly being assimilated into the larger, more influential culture around it. So, while I have no interest in blogs or magazine articles where parents share all the darndest things their kids say, I feel the need to document this unique dialect before it disappears altogether.

Long ago we lost 'pecial keengs and Miss Arie. We lost Aunt Lori being Lorlie, and yogurt as logurt. Strawberries are no longer dawbellies, and bala-loons are just balloons now. The optus has become octopus and the ipsy pie-doo is a full-blown itsy bitsy spider. Dappa was once grandpa, and the name Omi, which then became Yomi, then Nomi, is now Naomi.

Some remnants, thankfully, remain. My youngest will hold my chin and say "I want to tell you a question." Ethiopia is pronouced Epiopia, or Efiopia. And neither child, with their vocabularies, words in other languages, and full sentences, can pronounce the word "use." The Butterfly says "nooze" as in "Can I nooze that?" or "I was noozing that!" The CCHA says "ooze." The word "regular" came out "reg-le-ar" just today. "Th" sounds still elude them both, so thankfully they say "fank you" and "firty" (for thirty) or "togever."

But these little touches are disappearing fast. Soon they'll be talking like reglear people, blending into the general population, hardly distinct in their speech. Fankfully, they continue to ooze some 'pecial words, for at least a little while.

Twenty Five Things

Following in the footsteps of my friend Erica, Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad, and probably a ton of other people who were in on this long before I clued in, here are 25 random things about me.



1. I have a deep and abiding love for good stand-up comedy and good comic writing. I love when smart and funny come together. My faves? Dave Barry, the late George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Steve Martin, Maria Bamford, Lewis Black

2. Even better is when comedy and music are combined. If you can be funny and set it to music, I'm in love. Steve Martin, Monty Python, Tom Lehrer, the Smothers Brothers, any musical Simpsons episode, a Mighty Wind, Little Shop of Horrors... you get the picture.

3. My brother and I are both left-handed. I get very excited when I see other people, especially famous people, who are left-handed. Check out Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Martin Sheen. I'm pretty sure it's a sign of creative genius.

4. I really, honestly, sincerely like my in-laws and enjoy spending time with them. My MIL rocks.

5. There are some things that are wildly popular, even addictive for others that I just can't get into. Among them... any form of Coke, Pepsi or Mountain Dew, and any reality TV show, especially those based on talent contests, feats of strength and crazy stunts, strangers living together and weeding each other out.

6. I am in the process of converting to Judaism. It has been a long journey, but joining the Tribe feels like home, and I do love my matza and kugel.

7. I wear a Chai around my neck, the Hebrew word for Life. The necklace was a childhood gift from my Bubbi (grandmother). I put it on, before even considering converting, when I first learned my brother would be deployed to Iraq, about 2 1/2 years ago. I'll consider taking it off when I know he's home safe, and for good.

8. Although my house is kind of a mess right now, and is always a work in progress, I find messy, cluttered surroundings very stressful. As a kid, before I knew how to alphabetize, I used to pull the books off my shelf and arrange them in order of size. This seemed to relax me.

9. I have spent time in the following of our Great States: Montana, California, Texas, North Dakota, but only becasue my car broke down, Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, Maine, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Massachusetts, Wisconsin. I'm sure I'm forgetting some.

10. I dated the MOMD for 6 weeks before he proposed and I accepted. In September 2009, we'll celebrate 10 years of marriage, 10 years plus 10 months of knowing each other. Sometimes when you know, you know.

11. I hated being single. For someone who had always prided myself on being really independent and capable, I had a really hard time being alone in my 20's.

12. Being a mom to my two daughters is amazing, and holding them and kissing their little heads makes me want to melt. And yet right now, I am in my room hiding from them because I can't think straight with them hanging all over wanting to be around me all the time.

13. I have been writing, in one form or another, since I was six years old. I was well into my 20's before I grasped that I was good at it.

14. I have written a book called You Are Ethiopian Now, a memoir of my experiences with infertility and adopting two little girls from Ethiopia. I'm working on getting it published.

15. A friend pointed out to me recently that I seem like I should have been an English major in college. I didn't major in English or anything else that I did especially well because in my warped little mind, that was like cheating. If it's not hard for you, then your succes doesn't count.

16. I have been in these fine countries on our little planet: Canada, France, Germany, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Austria, Ireland, India, Malaysia, and Ethiopia. I'm sure I'm not forgetting any. How could you forget an entire country?

17. I'm a bit of a grammar and punctuation snob.

18. I don't think I could limit myself to one favorite food. I love all baked goods- cookies, cakes, muffins, good bread, but also strong flavored and spicy foods like Indian, Ethiopian, Thai, anything with peanuts or pineapple, cilantro, or lime in it. I love salmon, high quality chocolate, pasta, bread pudding, and most desserts.

19. I am not a fan of fat-free, sugar-free anything (unless, like an orange, it's supposed to be like that), never got on the low carb bandwagon, and I prefer butter over margarine.

20. Due to the above, as well as family history, despite my pretty normal height and weight, I am likely a heart attack waiting to happen.

21. I used to be a runner, but I can't call myself one anymore.

22. I love naps.

23. About the biology thing... My dad was sick when I was growing up, and I had a lot of questions about that. He always explained why he had to take this med or that med, and why he couldn't eat certain foods, and how your kidneys are supposed to work. I think that was the birth of my fascination with the human body and its workings, and I did love studying all about cells, the chemistry of how food is broken down, how our muscles are attached and how chemicals fire around in our brains. I can be a bit of a science and nutrition geek. I try to keep this to myself, you know, so people will still want to be my friend.

24. I used to be a bit of a granola-head tree-hugger, complete with long hair and plaid shirts from Eddie Bauer, but I have sort of given that up for a cushy life in the suburbs.

25. Although I grew up in Duluth, MN, one of the most hideously cold and always-uphill locations on the planet, and chose to stay in MN for college and well, the rest of my life, I hate winter and hate being cold. But I also hate moving. Does that count as #26?



Now it's your turn. Do it in your own blog, your Facebook page, comments below or an email to me, but write your 25 things!

Meet My Family

I have become a big fan of a guy named Danny Evans, who writes Dad Gone Mad, a really funny blog (warning to friends who prefer their blogs squeaky clean- this one isn't). He is incredibly honest in his writing, and I believe, to protect the innocent, has given nicknames to his immediate family members. Danny, I hope you'll forgive me for blatantly stealing this technique, as I will, from here on out, refer to my husband as The Man of My Dreams, or MOMD. I have two daughters with distinct, energetic personalities, and to protect them as well, they will be assigned nicknames. I just haven't thought of the perfect names yet. How to capture beautiful, exhausting, engaging, energetic, expasperating, smart, dictatorial, irrational, into a quick little name? Not sure, and still working on it.

I also have a brother, 18 months younger than me, a Sergeant in the Army, who left for a year in Iraq just last week. He will be referred to as Sergeant Baby Brother. I have a mother, and well, let's just call her Mom, shall we? Mom lives in New Hampshire and is married to my step-dad. I can never keep track of what continent they're currently visiting, or which step-sibling is visiting them. They are quite a jet-setting pair of 60-somethings.

Right now the daughter I'm considering calling The Tiniest Dictator is sitting next to me, ready for a little heart to heart conversation. "Mommy why do you put your makeup in here? Mommy what's in here? (opening wallet). Why are your coins in here? Mommy, I have an owie on my foot (pointing to invisible tiny spot on tiniest toe...)
The other one, age 5, likes to compose songs and sing out loud. I leave you with today's lyrics:

I love her so much
She's bigger than a squirrel
Don't be a rattlesnake!
Don't be a rattlesnake!

Stay tuned.

What I'm Reading

I'm back in the blogging habit, writing about writing, Judaism, Ethiopia, parenthood, and the cool and interesting things I think are worth sharing. I know some awfully talented people, some in real life, and some through their writing or blogs. Welcome to my neighborhood...

Lynn Laumann is the most talented photographer I know. She specializes in portraits, and works out of her studio in Waconia, MN. Check out her site, her blog, and better yet, make an appointment and a trip to this little town west of Minneapolis to get some family photos done right.

Stacy Bellward has written a beautiful book called Tsion's Life. Many of us grew up on images of an Ethiopia dominated by starvation and disease. As parents who adopted children from Ethiopia back in 2004 when the program was in its infancy, Stacy and I, and many like us, have opened our eyes to the landscape, the spicy, satisfying food, and a culture centered on family and hospitality. Stacy took it a step further and launched Amharic Kids, a site featuring her own books and other resources for adoptive families with Ethiopian kids.

Me? Well, I have written a book titled You Are Ethiopian Now. The book stores have how-to adopt books, and stories of Chinese adoption, Russian adoption, and of adults searching for birth families, but nothing of my story- adopting from Ethiopia at a time when that option was brand new. I'm working on looking for a publisher. In the meantime, I plan to write here in the evenings and on the weekends. I welcome your comments.

Writing Like My Heroes

In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamotte describes how writers imitate the authors they most admire, especially after having read them recently. I am soooo susceptible to this. I just finished Bright Lights Big Ass by Jen Lancaster, and I want to add the word asshat to my vocabulary, and develop a much more sarcastic, funny, snarky tone. Years ago when I read Bridget Jones' Diary and was blown away by this novel that actually reflected what my life was like, Iwanted to begin sentences with the word "am" (Am imitating famous writer now. Daily calories, 2700. ) and incorporate the words fuckwit and wanker into my vocabulary. I read at least one Jodi Picoult novel every year, and always close her books convinced that it's time to write a novel about a pressing issue of our time with a legal twist, and illustrate how it tears families apart and affects those we love. I read Annie Dillard and despair that I can never be successful unless I learn to describe, in excrutiating detail, every living thing within a ten-mile radius of my home. Tom Robbins makes me want to write stories with inanimate objects as characters.

So how do I reconcile this? Well, I recognize that Jen Lancaster doesn't write like Jodi Picoult, who doesn't write a thing like Anne Lamott, who doesn't write like Brenda Ueland, even though they're all brilliant in their own right. I think it's a pretty common struggle for writers. It's called finding your voice. It's a matter of confidence, really: the confidence to choose your own words and know that they're the right ones to get your point across, and the confidence that your way of doing it is valuable somehow.

I still really want to make better use of words like asshat and wanker, because they're such great words. But my husband says I shouldn't curse- not because it's offensive to him or to anyone else in our circle of friends, but because it just doesn't sound right when I do it.

Are there other writers out there? To quote a favorite line from one of my favorite movies, who are your influences? (Bonus points if you can name the movie)

Thoughts on appearances

I just read this waiting mother's thoughts on external beauty and while I would never do something so extreme as what her mother did to her, I do feel sometimes we focus too much on our children's beauty. I think my two daughters are the most beautiful children on the planet, but I sometimes cringe when people dwell on this. I cringe even more when they speak in generalities about how beautiful Ethiopian people are, or even worse generalities about all people of color. More than once a well-meaning acquaintance has squealed "Oh, I just love little ethnic babies!" It's an absurd comment, really, because we are all ethnic. We all came from somewhere. But I cringe because the sentiment has a patronizing quality to it.

One of the things I write about in my memoir is that I never want to be one of those kinds of people... the kinds who turn their personal lives into some big issue and lecture people all the time about what words are OK to use. But I have realized that there are a handful of issues that get on my nerves, and I hope this will be a place where I can voice them without coming across as strident or overly sensitive. Everyone I've encountered has been so positive about our adoption of our daughters. But I think I'm going to need to rant just a little bit about some of those things. And the post above really rang true for me and made me think of one of those issues.

Curious to hear what others say about commenting on the beauty of Ethiopian children, or children of other ethnicities. Has it happened to you or to your kids? How do you respond?

Most depressing day of the year?

I heard on the radio today that a researcher has determined that today is the most depressing day of the year. Why? Christmas bills are arriving, there are very few, if any, days off of work coming up, it's almost time to work on taxes, and at least here in Minnesota we're experiencing the coldest week of the year and we're still not seeing much sunlight in a given day.
I think this guy has hit on something. Lewis Black has a great bit about taking extreme measures just to see a little color at this time of year. Everyone I know aruond here finds this a difficult time of year. Not only is it cold, but we've had wintery weather since Halloween. A snowy December is kind of charming. Now it's getting old.
But ultimately I find this news heartening for the same reason I kind of like December 21, the shortest day of the year. In December, every day from then on gets a little longer, and we get a little bit more sunlight. Every day after today, the supposed most depressing day of the year, should get a little better. The cold will come to an end and we'll start to see some sun. The bills will get paid eventually. The sun will come out tomorrow, Annie...

Writer's Strike

I don't know if others feel this way, but the writer's strike has been great for me. I'm not a fan of reality TV, so the 6-8 hours per week that used to be dedicated to my list of personal must-see shows are suddenly free. In short, I'm getting a ton of writing done. I am seriously considering culling those 6-8 hours once my shows are back on.
With two small kids and a full-time job, my time for writing is after 8 p.m. on weeknights, and maybe for an hour while they nap on weekends if I'm feeling really motivated.
If you had to give up a portion of your TV watching routine, what would be the first to go? What would you cling to no matter what?
A couple of years ago I finally stopped watching ER. I never started with Private Practice, thankfully, but I can't seem to let Grey's go.

Resurrecting my blog

I have written a memoir of my experiences adopting my two girls, but I find that I still occasionally have more to say on the subject. More importantly, I find that so many people have questions about the hows and whys of adoption, and sometimes they're shy or self-conscious about asking. This blog seems like as good a place as any to answer questions and talk about what it's like to be the mother of two beautiful Ethiopian girls.

I hope the many links I've provided will be helpful to anyone who is curious about adoption, Ethiopia, or writing. Also check out the Favorites section where I've linked to people I think are brilliant, talented, funny, informative, helpful, or all of the above.

My family got wonderful, long-awaited news this week. On Monday, January 14, my brother returned home after 15 months in Iraq with the Army's 1st Cavalry Division. We are so proud of him, and so thankful to have him home safely. My heart goes out to all of the families who are still waiting for that day when their soldier comes home. And of course even moreso to those who have lost someone, or whose soldier has been injured in the line of duty.

Another cool piece of family news is that my stepfather wrote a book that is being released this week in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday. The book is King: Pilgrimage to the Mountaintop. I am so proud to be related to the author of this book. Check it out!

Ciao.