The Standard Rich and Famous Contract

The outside world of girly pop culture infiltrated our home as soon as our oldest daughter could talk.  We chose not to work too hard on fighting this, and eventually actively participated by buying Disney Princess, Hello Kitty, and eventually Barbie items ourselves.  Our limits on what TV and movies were allowed had less to do with holding up certain moral standards or any kind of gender-neutral agenda, and much more to do with what we found to be too annoying and therefore intolerable to us.  So we never did Barney, and watched a bare minimum of Dora (my apologies to her many fans- I'm all for bilingualism, just not for shouting all lines in an annoying, repetitive monotone).  We're not big fans of the Fresh Beat Band, (but I would gladly see the Imagination Movers in concert, and actually kind of get a kick out of iCarly) and we tried to avoid Hannah Montana for as long as possible.

However, I think we've officially lost that battle too, and while I want to blame our mass media culture and the Disney powerhouse, the truth is, it's my own doing.  It started when I bought our oldest daughter a HM CD for Hanukkah.  She'd been talking about her incessantly, all her friends knew the songs, and I had to admit the music didn't bother me- it was the TV show with the dad in his bathrobe and creepy soul patch that bugged me.  So it started with the music.  But our dear daughter, who loves singing, dancing, and "rocking out", and who can do the "pop it lock it" dance routine by heart loves her Hannah Montana, and really really really really wanted to see the show too.  So I acquiesced and, in addition to the CD from December, bought a DVD of a few achey-brakey episodes of the show.

Some people deal with these influences by forbidding them in their homes.  I understand and actually really respect that approach.  It draws a clear line between what you believe and value and what the rest of the world is into. I have chosen, instead, to go for the counter- influence.  What do I mean? I mean I'm choosing not to fight with my daughters over Hannah Montana, because A) the MOMD thinks that's kind of fruitless, and mean to make our kids be the ones who are left out and A2) I have to admit he tends to be right about that sort of thing and B) when my mom wouldn't let me watch Charlie's Angels, I just watched it at my friend Laurie's house, and still bought the bubble gum cards and pretended to be Charlie's Angels with my friends whenever we got the chance (even though they always made me be Sabrina, because I wasn't blonde, and I didn't have long hair like Kelly, but my role always bothered me because everyone knows Sabrina's the smart one, not the pretty one).  Instead, whenever they get enamored with something that makes my stomach turn a little bit, I introduce something else.

When they were in a brief High School Musical phase, I ordered them a DVD of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" starring Mr. Donny Osmond. They actually loved that, learned all the songs, memorized the story and made their friends play it at school.  This apparently went slightly awry when N's best friend T did not appreciate being told that his coat had to be dipped in blood and he would be sold to Egyptians.  I also got them "the Sound of Music" and "Fiddler on the Roof" - obviously beautiful, classic, timeless musicals.  Unfortunately I sort of forgot about the Nazis and violence against Jews in both movies, so found myself having to explain some painful themes.  But we still love the singing and dancing!

So as an antidote to Miley Cyrus, the 14 year old who has boyfriends and a celebrity lifestyle, with plenty of snotty, sarcastic dialogue that gets big laughs, I picked them up "School of Rock" and "the Muppet Movie." 

"School of Rock" rocks.  I love Jack Black and his encyclopedic music knowledge, and deep reverence for rock stars and rock music. The music is funny and watchable, and the special features has a great scene with Jack Black and Miranda Cosgrove doing a kick-butt rhymy-clappy game that I think we'll need to re-watch and learn ourselves.  N, our youngest, looked wide-eyed at one point and said "Mommy, that teacher is telling them not to follow the rules!"  I sort of felt my dad would have been proud of me, exposing my kids to a tiny dose of anti-authoritian stick-it-to-da-man-ism.

Which brings me to "the Muppet Movie."  It's one of the all-time greatest movies made for kids but entirely watchable and re-watchable for adults.  It features cameos by some of the all-time greats of comedy and theater- Steve Martin, Milton Berle, Bob Hope, Elliott Gould, Richard Pryor, Madeline Kahn, Mel Brooks, Dom DeLouise, and many others.

At the end of the movie, Kermit and all his friends finally arrive in Hollywood, and they approach the great Hollywood director, played by none other than Orson Wells.  He smokes a cigar, looks huge and intimidating, and after Kermit timidly explains where they've come from and what they seek, he buzzes his secretary and says one of my favorite lines... "bring my friends the standard Rich and Famous Contract..."

I guess this is why I love these classics, and why I foist them on my children. Because I want to rock out with Jack Black, I love seeing Donny singing that heartbreaking ballad in prison, and I share Kermie's dream.  I'd like to leave the swamp, go to some director behind a desk,  and request the standard Rich and Famous contract, then put on a big musical number featuring rainbows and a band.  Or... I could just write this blog, develop a giant following,  become beloved by millions (or at least dozens?), create demand for a lucrative book deal, ...  I may be getting ahead of myself.  Besides, if I got rich and famous I might have to wear a blond wig, rendering me completely unrecognizeable,  and create an alter ego with a rhyming name, right?

Curious... what do you consider to the all-time classics, the shows, movies and music that should be required viewing for today's kids?

Pounding the Pavement

I'm a terrible fundraiser.  Even for the best cause in the world I have trouble asking people for money.  Perhaps it's the midwesterner in me. Perhaps it's just a skill I lack.  But despite my lack of ability in this area, in May I joined several friends, all adoptive parents of Ethiopian children, in a walk to raise money for Parkinson's disease.  One of the moms made matching purple tshirts that read "Pounding the Pavement for Parkinson's."  We were a visible group with about a dozen kids, mostly Ethiopian, ranging from around four to twelve years old, all in our purple shirts, walking in a short spin around a playground before we settled in to eat bagels, listen to music, and enjoy the gathering.  All of our kids clamored to the mic at the center of the event when our group won 2nd place for best sign at the event. 
So when my oldest asked why were doing all this, it became the day that I explained to my daughters that our friend, one of the mothers in this group, has Parkinson's disease. 
"Yeah, but why are we walking? Why are we all wearing these shirts?"
"Ummm, well... We're all here to give money to those people at those tables.  They're going to use the money to try to make our friend better."
"OK, but why are we walking?"
"We're walking because that's something we can do together.  See all these people with the stickers on their shirts with someone's name on them? Everyone here has someone they care about who has Parkinson's.  So it's nice to be around other people who have someone they want to get better too. We have our friend, and we also have our aunt J."
"Oh, OK."
I got home that day, told my husband about the shirts, the prize for our sign, what it meant for our group to be together, then reminded him I'd be away for a few hours the following Sunday to join a friend for a walk for Cystic Fibrosis.  My friend lost a cousin to the disease and is passionate about supporting research and treatment.  We laughed a little bit about the spring season of walks, and even joked that if we did a walk for every disease that one of our friends and family has, we'd be busy every weekend.
I know, sounds really crass, but the truth of that kind of hit me. We do not have to extend very far at all into our circle of immediate family and close friends to find multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's, cancer, lupus, diabetes, mental illnesses, and heart disease.

I don't really know how to process all of this. I actively ward off disease by doing the things I've been taught my whole life; not smoking, eating fairly healthy food, getting regular checkups, you know, all the required stuff.  But these kinds of diseases defy all of that prevention and sneak up on perfectly health law-abiding citizens. The fact that I can't keep them from happening to me to or to people I love messes wtih my sense of how things ought to be.

So what do I do with that? How do I explain to my kids that people we love have terrible diseases that are going to get worse instead of better, through no fault of their own?  How can I reassure them nothing will happen to me, and that I'll be healthy and able to take care of them forever? How do I not lose sleep fretting over who could be next, and with what?

I think the answer is that there is not much to be done. 
Eat your vegetables and get your exercise.
Educate yourself and go to the doctor every now and then. 
Keep your friends company, adn when someone gets sick, bring over a hotdish every now and then.
Raise funds or at least throw in what you can spare. 
And then you get together with your friends, put on your matching purple t-shirts, and you pound the pavement.